* Prefatory Note: This post is intended to be satirical.*
As an American citizen who loves his country and is concerned about its future, I’m proud to admit that I also love money. So much so that I spend hours a day pouring over financial news and sage commentary from our nation’s army of astute economists. Through my constant attention to this barrage of knowledge and, if I may say so myself, my own rather sagacious wealth management, I’ve come to see myself as somewhat of a financial guru. Not formally or professionally, of course, but what I’d humbly refer to as the armchair variety.